Merely an Entity?

           Interesting things happen when you enter the military as a spouse I have come to find. Just the simple acts of getting my dependent military ID and filling out some travel paperwork have enlightened me to this phenomenon. There I was, sitting in the little cubicle with my husband answering questions as the nice man entered my information into the computer, all is normal, social security numbers flying everywhere which apparently is normal for the military. We're reaching the end, he takes my picture, a horrible one and it only appears in black and white on the card, and then he places a form in front of us. He paused and then said something like "I always feel bad saying this, but you (looking at my husband) need to sign and date this form stating that you are allowing your dependent to have a military ID." We both laugh a little, meanwhile me thinking in my head "you've got to be freaking kidding me, my husband doesn't allow me to do anything! I do what I want!" The nice man continued saying something like "Yeah I hate saying that, but the military essentially sees you (now looking at me) as an entity of your spouse." Whoa! Hold the phone! An entity?! Isn't that a little harsh? If I was the kind of woman who didn't find that rhetoric at least slightly outrageous, then the psychological effects of the word "entity" would have been incredibly destructive to my identity. And thus, I now understand where the zombie spouses come from, they must not have found that rhetoric strange in the slightest. This was only my first encounter with this "entity" phenomenon...it only began to compound as I noticed more things where I was considered to be merely an entity.
            For example, in filling out the paperwork in order for us to get reimbursed for my travel down here to Texas, we were reminded at the desk to fill out the paperwork using my husband's information. But wait, isn't that lying? It wasn't my husband who did the trip, it was me...oh ok, there is a small little box to put my name. When I asked him if it was weird that he had to put his information even though it was my trip, he jokingly reminded me "well you are an entity of me". Another thing I noticed besides my healthcare and dental care, was while reading through one of the spouse handbooks (yes...I know), there was a section about driving on base, that is the importance of following the traffic laws on base. This I was already aware of, it is absolutely important to drive the speed limit, make complete stops, and wear your seat belt. However, what struck me was the part that said if you (the dependent spouse) get a traffic ticket on base, then your spouse would have to show that ticket to his/her commander. Sooooo if I mess up, being the entity of my husband that I am, then it's like he messes up?! Mind-blowing! I'm still totally terrified by this and obey all traffic laws on base but wow.
            So, by this time I was becoming more and more aware of this "entity" phenomenon. As much as I felt like I had to fight it, because I didn't want it to grind and chip away at my personal identity, I also didn't want to ever embarrass my husband or, I suppose to fit in with the "entity" rhetoric, "shame" him. I mean I do obviously care about him and wouldn't want to jeopardize any of his opportunities with say a speeding on base ticket. With having wrestled with this phenomenon the first week and a half and having found a little peace with it, I was blind-sided with the final "entity" straw. I was so excited to hear there was a library on base, I love libraries! I mean I was a history major for heaven's sake. So on a free afternoon, my husband and I went down to check it out...it's not the largest library, but there are a respectable number of books to explore, dvds, and complete tv seasons. Sweet! Dvds you can can check out for free! I obviously needed a library card! I love getting library cards; who knew that such a small piece of plastic with a bar-code could give you such a liberating feeling with so much knowledge at your fingertips! Wait what?! You need my husband to fill out the application for me to get a library card? "Yes, we need his information, he's your sponsor," said the woman behind the counter, who although following the library's/military's rules for getting library cards was obviously not educated enough to be working there. I kept my cool on the outside, but my God! I, the "entity," needed my sponsor in order to get my little plastic ticket to unlimited knowledge?! Well, at least he doesn't have to be with me every time I want to go to the library, but heaven forbid if I keep a book overdue on my card....Lord knows what that will mean for my husband's job! Ok, so I'm being a little cynical now...but it was somewhat painful. Like going back to when I was old enough to have my own library card but my mom had to fill out the paperwork, you know because I was 8 years old. Am I 8 years old?! Oh boy...
             All in all, the "entity" phenomenon is a struggle. I sit wondering if it is a struggle for other spouses, whether or not I am just bothered by it because I didn't grow up in the military, or if it has to do with being from the northwest. Only being about two and a half weeks in, I am sure that 1. this will not be the end of the ever compounding "entity" phenomenon, and 2. that in time I will absolutely find a balance between being this entity, while compromising little of my own personal identity. In the meantime, I'm going to use my library card as much as I can. I am not merely an entity.